A Year, a Tear, and a Tractor Pull

The Three of these have nothing in common, except maybe if you cry after winning your class at the Tractor pull. That's just my redneck brand of logic! I was able to go to a tractor pull this weekend in Colinwood, Tennessee with my in-laws. I finally got my days off to line up to where I could go to one this year. While I was there I couldn't help but notice people who brought their youngsters out to it. There were some that were as old as Eli would've been if he was here. If he was here alive with us we wouldn't have brought him out, but still it brings a tear to my eye seeing what could've been. It's been over a year since we lost our little Eli Weston. I can look at our family picture with Eli in the hospital and I still go back to that scene, just like it was yesterday. I guess it'll always be that way, I hope it will so that I can have a memory of seeing him here with us for the short time that we could hold his little body. I hope that image stays in my mind to go with me. We have pictures of him from the hospital and from the funeral home in his little casket. I can't believe that it's been a year now. I don't know where the time has gone to, it was just 4 months ago that our big deal was buying our house. I remember how rapped up in it that I became. Day in and day out asking Jenna if she had heard ANYTHING from our lender about it. However, that was only four months, that doesn't account for the other 8 months of the year. All that I can figure is that between work, worry, stress and other mundane things and just getting through everyday with Jenna and Zoey is what took up the rest of the time. This has made me appreciate day-to-day life alot more! I was thankful for our first of two blessings before, even more sooooo now! As I have said before, my perspective went from can't wait to get to tomorrow to just living for today. Even though it might be a contradiction in terms, the new age phrase "new normal" seems to sum up life very well! Well a year has come and gone. To borrow a line from a great move "...And That's all I have to say about that."

Time Well Spent

As adults, we want to spend what free time that we have that ain't took up with work or sleep as good as we can. This ain't about how i spend my free time. We see all around how our time is spent, you look at how old that you yourself are. You can go back a pretty good ways in your memory and remember how you spent your years of life. I'm about to be 27 years old this may, it don't seem to me like i should be 27. I can look back and see what i've come through in my almost 27 years. When i was in school it didn't ever seem to me like i would ever graduate from high school, but every day going to class and taking tests eventually led to me recieving my diploma in may of 2004. For all of my memorable life, i never would've pictured me getting married. I didn't think that i would find anybody on this earth that i could love. Then, that special woman came along and here i go taking the plunge into the holy covenant of marriage. I wouldn't have ever have thought that i would have kids. Now i couldn't imagine my life without my wonderful, beautiful wife and my little Zoey! With all that said, i can remember what my life has been like for the past 27 years. The time and space that seems now to be just a hole in my memory is the 9 months or so from December of 2010 to August 19, 2011. I guess that the grief just burnt that hole in my memory or maybe my psychological has tried to block it out so much that it created a vacuum or started the fire that burned the hole. Somehow, if i try to go back in my memory to that specific time period, there is only a blank spot. anyways that was just some thoughts that have been running through my head. I just wanted to get it out so it doesn't drive me crazier than i already am! 

Write your hurts in the sand...

Write your hurts in the sand, carve your blessings in stone. This is the sign that the church down the road from where i work has on their sign now. It's a great saying and one of the most original church signs! Even daily hurts get washed away with just simply going to bed, washing away the sand as water does on  a beach. This life has it's hurts, pains, dissapointments and so forth. We as adults find out that as you grow up and enter adulthood, with all the wonderful things that come with it that, we find out that life gets harder. As you are growing up and going through school, the difficulty level gets turned up slowly. When you enter the work force or go off to college, it seems like the dial gets turned up by leaps and bounds sometimes. That's not even including the stress and worries of life. it's when life turns up the heat to high and the stress level hits the maximum level, it's then that you realize that you need to lean on God and the promises that he gives us in his Word. Especially the verse that says that He won't put more on you than you can bear. Sometimes it feels like that line is fixed to where you think the limit is, then you go through things in life and it seems like God has alot more confidence in my strength than I have in myself. It's hard sometimes to hold onto that one promise of many. The Lord gets me through each day. I can't live a day without him getting me through them.