Time Well Spent

As adults, we want to spend what free time that we have that ain't took up with work or sleep as good as we can. This ain't about how i spend my free time. We see all around how our time is spent, you look at how old that you yourself are. You can go back a pretty good ways in your memory and remember how you spent your years of life. I'm about to be 27 years old this may, it don't seem to me like i should be 27. I can look back and see what i've come through in my almost 27 years. When i was in school it didn't ever seem to me like i would ever graduate from high school, but every day going to class and taking tests eventually led to me recieving my diploma in may of 2004. For all of my memorable life, i never would've pictured me getting married. I didn't think that i would find anybody on this earth that i could love. Then, that special woman came along and here i go taking the plunge into the holy covenant of marriage. I wouldn't have ever have thought that i would have kids. Now i couldn't imagine my life without my wonderful, beautiful wife and my little Zoey! With all that said, i can remember what my life has been like for the past 27 years. The time and space that seems now to be just a hole in my memory is the 9 months or so from December of 2010 to August 19, 2011. I guess that the grief just burnt that hole in my memory or maybe my psychological has tried to block it out so much that it created a vacuum or started the fire that burned the hole. Somehow, if i try to go back in my memory to that specific time period, there is only a blank spot. anyways that was just some thoughts that have been running through my head. I just wanted to get it out so it doesn't drive me crazier than i already am! 

Write your hurts in the sand...

Write your hurts in the sand, carve your blessings in stone. This is the sign that the church down the road from where i work has on their sign now. It's a great saying and one of the most original church signs! Even daily hurts get washed away with just simply going to bed, washing away the sand as water does on  a beach. This life has it's hurts, pains, dissapointments and so forth. We as adults find out that as you grow up and enter adulthood, with all the wonderful things that come with it that, we find out that life gets harder. As you are growing up and going through school, the difficulty level gets turned up slowly. When you enter the work force or go off to college, it seems like the dial gets turned up by leaps and bounds sometimes. That's not even including the stress and worries of life. it's when life turns up the heat to high and the stress level hits the maximum level, it's then that you realize that you need to lean on God and the promises that he gives us in his Word. Especially the verse that says that He won't put more on you than you can bear. Sometimes it feels like that line is fixed to where you think the limit is, then you go through things in life and it seems like God has alot more confidence in my strength than I have in myself. It's hard sometimes to hold onto that one promise of many. The Lord gets me through each day. I can't live a day without him getting me through them.

Looking back

As i sit here, i can't help but look back at the year that our calendar says is 2011. It feels like this year has been a whole lot longer than just 12 calendar months. if i were to put on a calendar how long it felt like to me, this year would be about 18 months long. At the start of this year, i started out as i had ended 2010 still being on 2nd shift at my job, hoping to maybe someday get to transfer to first shift! I was overjoyed that we were expecting another little bundle of joy. Come around april or so, we found out that our little bundle was gonna be a boy! Thankfully, I finally got to transfer to 1st shift in July. Then, a month later, my whole world changed. I got the horrible news that my little boy had went to heaven to become an angel. Then, fast forward about four months later and it still don't seem real or right! I hold on to the bible verse that says that God won't put more on us than we can bear! I'm not gonna say that i understand why Eli was taken from us, but i can't wait until i get to see and hold Eli in heaven!

What a journey..... so far

It's been a good while since i wrote on here. Between working 10 hour days for 7 days straight for 21 days or so at a time between off days, when we r lucky enough to get an off day! anyways, not to complain i'm very thankful for my job and that I'm very blessed to have a job and to be making a living for me and my family. It has been close to 3 months since our little eli went to heaven. It has been an interesting journey since then. It seems like it has been a year crammed into these last 3 months time. I have experienced my personality change for about a few weeks or a month or so after it. Then my personality changed back to what it usually is, not the exact same one as before Aug. 19th. That may sound like an insane notion, but it happened. I've read that grief ebbs and flows in books that we got from the funeral home, but i have figured out in this journey that my griefs comes in like the tides. All can be quiet and calm on the beach and then all of a sudden here comes the wave and then it goes back out to the ocean again. There was one day that i thought about something and got me to thinking about eli and just 2 hours after that i couldn't even remember what the thought process was that got me all stirred up. God bless!

A Guide to Life

The title of this post sounds sort of odd and there might already be a book somewhere with this title. This was just an idea that was rattling around in my head today at work. What if there was a manual for all things in life that you might or might not go through and how to deal with it? Would you follow the advice word-for-word or just kinda pick it up every now and then for a few hints? This is a ludacris idea and some insane questions to follow. There is not a real book or manual like this, not one that I know of! However there is one book or a collection of books that is a real good guide to life and how to live it. It's a great reference book, history book and contains the greatest love story of all time in it!! Wanna know what it is?  The Bible! It is God's Inspired word, written by mortal men's hands! It's infailable, noncontradictory and is such a wonderful breath of life! It may have been written over 2,000+ years ago, but it is still very, very relative to our date and time, no matter how much our culture changes over the years! Anyways, that was just something that i've been thinking on all today. I hope it might get you to thinking about things, or maybe, just maybe it might inspire you to pick up your copy of the holy scriptures that's been sitting on a bookshelf just collecting dust and crack it open and take in some of God's word and keep it in your heart and carry it with you wherever you might go!  Well, gotta go! God Bless!

This week

We all have those kind of days that are bad no matter what. Whether it's a bad day at work when you don't have what you need at hand and have to go and get it. I know that feeling first hand, those days and weeks sometimes get real old when you try your hardest to work and keep things running the way they should, all the while you feel like you are getting miles behind on other lines or things! Don't get me wrong, i'm content with my job and where i work and i'm still so very thankful that i got to move from 2nd to first shift at work! This week has been kind of a wash out, one to be crumpled up and threw away! Our lives feel like they have been turned upside down, as some who know us could tell u! This week has been so long and drawn out, it feels like you could have fit two regular weeks in the same space as the last 5 days! Sometimes throughout this week i wondered how in the world i would get through the rest of life from here on! All that has happened has really served to put everything in perspective! I pray that God uses this situation that is tragic and turns it into something sooo gooood! Right now, the thought of having anymore kids is the furthest thing from my mind and don't know how that decision can be made from here on. Since we lost our little boy at full term, if we decide to have anymore children, then that thought would be at the forefront of both of our minds! well anyways, i've done deviated from what i started out to write about. I hope things can get better!

A different world!!

It hasn't even been 2 whole weeks since our little eli weston went to heaven. It's a different world now! It seems like time has just slowed down to a snail's pace. When we were all kids it seemed like no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't get time to go any faster than sand molecules through an hourglass. it's just amazing how much of an impact all this has had since then!! My sense of reality and time has changed quite a bit. It just seems like since i've been back at work that time seems to drag by, just as slow as it can get. In some ways, I wish that i could just wave a wand and everything be the way it was supposed to turn out as of 2 weeks from tomorrow. But in another way, I wouldn't have our little eli exist on this earth for a very short time, just to suffer from some disorder or disease and be hooked up to all sorts of machines keeping his little body alive and breathing for him. I can't say anything that would bring him back or make the hurt go away. well, hope everybody has a good day tomorrow!   
Matt. 5:4