Saturday, December 24, 2011

Looking back

As i sit here, i can't help but look back at the year that our calendar says is 2011. It feels like this year has been a whole lot longer than just 12 calendar months. if i were to put on a calendar how long it felt like to me, this year would be about 18 months long. At the start of this year, i started out as i had ended 2010 still being on 2nd shift at my job, hoping to maybe someday get to transfer to first shift! I was overjoyed that we were expecting another little bundle of joy. Come around april or so, we found out that our little bundle was gonna be a boy! Thankfully, I finally got to transfer to 1st shift in July. Then, a month later, my whole world changed. I got the horrible news that my little boy had went to heaven to become an angel. Then, fast forward about four months later and it still don't seem real or right! I hold on to the bible verse that says that God won't put more on us than we can bear! I'm not gonna say that i understand why Eli was taken from us, but i can't wait until i get to see and hold Eli in heaven!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

What a journey..... so far

It's been a good while since i wrote on here. Between working 10 hour days for 7 days straight for 21 days or so at a time between off days, when we r lucky enough to get an off day! anyways, not to complain i'm very thankful for my job and that I'm very blessed to have a job and to be making a living for me and my family. It has been close to 3 months since our little eli went to heaven. It has been an interesting journey since then. It seems like it has been a year crammed into these last 3 months time. I have experienced my personality change for about a few weeks or a month or so after it. Then my personality changed back to what it usually is, not the exact same one as before Aug. 19th. That may sound like an insane notion, but it happened. I've read that grief ebbs and flows in books that we got from the funeral home, but i have figured out in this journey that my griefs comes in like the tides. All can be quiet and calm on the beach and then all of a sudden here comes the wave and then it goes back out to the ocean again. There was one day that i thought about something and got me to thinking about eli and just 2 hours after that i couldn't even remember what the thought process was that got me all stirred up. God bless!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

A Guide to Life

The title of this post sounds sort of odd and there might already be a book somewhere with this title. This was just an idea that was rattling around in my head today at work. What if there was a manual for all things in life that you might or might not go through and how to deal with it? Would you follow the advice word-for-word or just kinda pick it up every now and then for a few hints? This is a ludacris idea and some insane questions to follow. There is not a real book or manual like this, not one that I know of! However there is one book or a collection of books that is a real good guide to life and how to live it. It's a great reference book, history book and contains the greatest love story of all time in it!! Wanna know what it is?  The Bible! It is God's Inspired word, written by mortal men's hands! It's infailable, noncontradictory and is such a wonderful breath of life! It may have been written over 2,000+ years ago, but it is still very, very relative to our date and time, no matter how much our culture changes over the years! Anyways, that was just something that i've been thinking on all today. I hope it might get you to thinking about things, or maybe, just maybe it might inspire you to pick up your copy of the holy scriptures that's been sitting on a bookshelf just collecting dust and crack it open and take in some of God's word and keep it in your heart and carry it with you wherever you might go!  Well, gotta go! God Bless!

Friday, September 2, 2011

This week

We all have those kind of days that are bad no matter what. Whether it's a bad day at work when you don't have what you need at hand and have to go and get it. I know that feeling first hand, those days and weeks sometimes get real old when you try your hardest to work and keep things running the way they should, all the while you feel like you are getting miles behind on other lines or things! Don't get me wrong, i'm content with my job and where i work and i'm still so very thankful that i got to move from 2nd to first shift at work! This week has been kind of a wash out, one to be crumpled up and threw away! Our lives feel like they have been turned upside down, as some who know us could tell u! This week has been so long and drawn out, it feels like you could have fit two regular weeks in the same space as the last 5 days! Sometimes throughout this week i wondered how in the world i would get through the rest of life from here on! All that has happened has really served to put everything in perspective! I pray that God uses this situation that is tragic and turns it into something sooo gooood! Right now, the thought of having anymore kids is the furthest thing from my mind and don't know how that decision can be made from here on. Since we lost our little boy at full term, if we decide to have anymore children, then that thought would be at the forefront of both of our minds! well anyways, i've done deviated from what i started out to write about. I hope things can get better!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A different world!!

It hasn't even been 2 whole weeks since our little eli weston went to heaven. It's a different world now! It seems like time has just slowed down to a snail's pace. When we were all kids it seemed like no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't get time to go any faster than sand molecules through an hourglass. it's just amazing how much of an impact all this has had since then!! My sense of reality and time has changed quite a bit. It just seems like since i've been back at work that time seems to drag by, just as slow as it can get. In some ways, I wish that i could just wave a wand and everything be the way it was supposed to turn out as of 2 weeks from tomorrow. But in another way, I wouldn't have our little eli exist on this earth for a very short time, just to suffer from some disorder or disease and be hooked up to all sorts of machines keeping his little body alive and breathing for him. I can't say anything that would bring him back or make the hurt go away. well, hope everybody has a good day tomorrow!   
Matt. 5:4

Monday, August 29, 2011

First day back

Well, I just finished up my first day back to work since losing our little angel Eli Weston!! It think in the end it will be better for me to go back to work now and try and get back in the swing of what used to be a regular routine. obviously it's a world of difference now than it was before. I felt very hollow on the inside as i was going along just doing the everyday tasks that come with doing my job. My view of this world has changed since a week from last friday!!! There are things i've seen before now in certain people that i used to consider as a close member of immediate family!! I can forgive and forget things only because of God giving me the strength to do so! I just hope through all this that has happened that maybe, just maybe i could help others who might be going through the same thing!! I love my wife and daughter with all there is about me!!! I can't wait till the day when we are reunited with our little angel in heaven that is waiting on us!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

My first blog ever!!!!!

Nobody in this world other than me will probably be the one to read or give a care about what i have to say on this blog or elsewhere, but here goes..... This blog is gonna be just to use as a journal for my thoughts and things like that, but not like a diary!!! I never thought I would ever have a blog page, but then again i never in my life thought that i would ever own a cell phone or any of the other things in life that i possess for this short, short time i have on this earth!!! I want to use this blog as a way to translate my thoughts onto written form to get them out of my head so that it might make me feel better in the end, but also i want to use this blog as a way to glorify my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!!! I am not the best example of how a christian is to behave all the time, i am still a disciple-in-progress!!! I am not perfect, but i know the one who is and i can come to him in prayer to ask forgiveness everytime i need it!! God Bless!!!